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Have you figured it out yet?
Archive for August, 2007
I’ve been developing some interesting stuff in Japan with the co-founder of Napster. Hope to be able to talk more about it soon, but here is a cool picture of me enjoying the Tokyo nightlife.
In case its not obvious, that’s not me in the video.
There is more to be said about mentoring. What is a mentor? To me a mentor is first a role model. Literally someone who I model and try to replicate. The fastest route to success is to copy someone else who is successful. Or to copy a proven business model.
When I decide on a mentor I’m really saying “I want to be like this person” or I want to replicate something about them. I have a friend that is extremely personable. He gets along with almost anyone. Doesn’t allow the small issues that come up in relationships to bother him. I admire that about him. I found two definitions in the dictionary for mentor:
- 1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.
I don’t consider my friend to be influential or senior to me. But I consider him a trusted counselor when it comes to being sociable. When interacting with people, I find myself questioning “how would X react to this?” more often than not I just call him and say “I had this situation, this is how I reacted, how would you have handled it?” He is mentoring me on being sociable.
I have entrepreneurs as mentors. I like to watch how they interact with employees, with friends and how they handle their family. I try to replicate how they speak, how they interact with investors. I’m trying to get into my mentors head, to think like him and to replicate the things I find attractive. Yes its cheating. But I spent all of my teens and early adulthood running against the grain. The reality is, people only want others around them who seem similar.
That means successful people want to be around successful people. And the easiest way to get into that crowd is to act successful. That’s something my mentors show me.
Taking on mentors is not easy but absolutely necessary to succeed. I used to just flat out ask people “would you be my mentor?” The problem with being so forward is not many people really want to be mentors, at least not the people I want to mentor me. Their lives are already too busy. Sometimes I receive emails from people asking me to mentor them or teach them what I know. Here is a secret, the mentor apprentice relationship is entirely dependent on the mentor caring about you.
It took me a long time to realize this. But looking back at the best mentors I’ve had in life, mostly teachers. More then being my teacher they had a emotional attachment to me, a true desire to want to see me succeed. The worst mentors I had were extremely successful but had no emotional attachment to seeing me succeed. While I learned a lot from the latter, those relationships were often short lived. They will keep you around as long as they find you useful.
Get someone to invest in you emotionally and they will want to maintain the relationship for a lifetime. A good mentor slowly turns into a friend.
So how do I get people to invest in me emotionally? First be open. Share yourself and ask others to share themselves. Regardless of how successful someone is, they have a personal story. Learn their personal and then slowly share yours when appropriate.
So how do I get someone to become my mentor? I say “I bet I could really learn a lot from you.” Said early in the relationship, this defines how you want to interact with them. If you seem bright and curious and willing to learn people will go out of their way to help you. If you seem like a know it all, no one will. I don’t ask for mentors anymore, I ask for permission to learn. Doesn’t that sound silly? Who could say no?
what else should i cover in this series of post?
I just got an apartment in Tokyo (in addition to the one in NYC). I’ll be having a wine tasting party on Monday. The apartment is in Shirokane and will start around 8PM. All are welcome. You can reach me by cell at 090-6553-7404 or send me your email via my contact page for the address.
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