The value of friends
One thing I think online social networks have done is decreased the value of friendships. Yesterday I had lunch with one of America’s most successful and influential individuals. The lunch was organized by a mutual friend who put a lot on the line to make the introduction. I’ve been very fortunate in this sense. In my life I can trace most of my connections and by virtue, success, to about 5 friends. I can name them off the top of my head; the first was my Jr. High School principle. For these friends I would risk almost anything to help them. Their importance in my life can’t be valued in dollars and cents. I want more friends like this, and I want to be this type of friend to those I know.
However with online social networks people value quantity and not quality. So this builds one way relationships. “Add me to your friends list!” “Make a comment on my profile.” But these friends never really build trust and value in their relationship. You have a true friend when you can answer this: Is this person willing to risk his/her reputation for me? Often times that is what it comes down to. As we become more comfortable with someone we are more willing to introduce them to other trusted friends. We are willing to involve them in our personal activities. If this doesn’t exist in online social networks then why do we use them?
Today I looked at the gather at sign up page and we have nearly 100 people subscribed! The first 300 who sign up will be invited to join me at launch parties around the world. Right now I plan to organize a party in Tokyo, NYC and possibly Paris. The third city is not finalized and I’m open to suggestions. You will get VIP treatment and we will all have a chance to get to know each other better in person, that’s the goal, isn’t it? So if you haven’t, sign up now for gather at or you might miss out on the fun.
May 5th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Hi!
Hope all is well!
I agree with you 100%, having read your book, I understand your friendship statement and your “Jr. High School principle” statement
Cheers
May 5th, 2006 at 1:03 pm
Thinking about it, I have 5 friends and we as a group are very close. As we are all avid adventurers, scuba diving, caving etc most of the time our “lifes” depend on each other and that has made the bonds alot stronger. there are those people that make life worth going the extra mile
May 5th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Hi!
You can also know your friends when you have to travel a lot, when you come back, they are always here for you…..
For the city, I suggest Montreal or Quebec city
May 5th, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Yeah, I’d have to say, Dallas and Ejovi, you guys are spot on. Online and nowadays even in the real world more and more people are just “networking”. Making friends to better themselves and their own position. I know the term itself doesn’t have this negative connotation, but when I was in college I remember that this was openly suggested by advisors or teachers, “Go attend that function because you can meet important people or people who know, or will become, important people”… and that will make me a happier person, I guess. Networking. Not, go and attend to make friends; not, go and attend to support your collegues. Go and attend for the sole purpose of forwarding your own career. I suppose it’s kind of a normal thing in business circles. But when I make friends in the real world I try to think that I’m not doing it because one day they may become famous and owe me a favor; and when I make them online, not because they can increase the hits on my website or because they can give me some desired piece of software or code. Sounds like there might be a couple of others like me out there in the world. Glad to hear it.
May 5th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
It takes years and personal interaction for me to build true friendships. I consider myself very lucky to have friends I can count on no matter what. I feel good when I can do something to help them. Now my friends are having children, and we’re teaching them the value of true friendhship. I don’t think true friendships are created very often in online social networks, but I wouldn’t say it’s impossible.
May 7th, 2006 at 3:54 am
I totally agree with you, Ejovi. My experience has shown me that your closest friends are the ones from you high school and undergrad. These are the friends that you are closest to. You can develop strong friendships (the kind you are talking about) at work also, but it requires a lot of time and commitment. I am always on the lookout of friends that I can count on and put in my best to build friendships with them. I believe networking and developing true friends are two different things. Networking is required to develop an acquaintance network which helps you in your career and business. But true friends go beyond the dollars and cents and will do anything in your hour of need.
May 7th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
As long as you go further in life, you realize that you can’t afford to spend your time to make money. We need to spend more time with our “true†friends (rarely more than 5). Success and happiness are impossible without them.
May 11th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
Ejovi,
As a firm believer in the power of online social networking,I really do believe that the right features strategically positioned can enable one to say I have a lot in common with this person and I will like to know more about them in a way that goes beyond “can I count you as the number of friends attached to my profile.” As per the city,how about Atlanta or Miami?
May 13th, 2006 at 7:31 am
¿How about Honolulu?
August 22nd, 2006 at 4:07 pm
The more I read these blog entries of yours about gather.at, the more I see a need of gather.at in the world. Social newtorks can’t replicate a real-life friendship and all these social networks out here that act as possible subsitutes to it are only hurting it. Sven’s comment addressed many things that I can relate to. When will the beta for gather.at be launched? I’m eager to see its arrival and how it works.